Big Wednesday, Good old stone eyes.

It seems that Ninty’s big cheese – the man they call the Basilisk, possibly – has been opening his mouth again. And when Hiroshi Yamauchi opens his mouth, you’re always guaranteed of some entertainment. Unless you’re standing right in front of him, in which case you’ll probably be turned to stone or something. Maybe.

Anyhoo, this time he’s really said some silly, silly things. Square have said they want to develop for Nintendo, Yamauchi responds by saying “there is no contact with Square. We have no intention of signing a contract, and there’s little chance of one being signed in future”. Not that I think Final Fantasy games are particularly fun, but Square do project no small amount of commercial clout – it seems our Hiroshi is still rankled after Square ‘defected’ to Sony after Nintendo’s decision to stick with cartridges. Which is a little childish.

Old Flint Head also brought his razor-edged tongue to bear on Microsoft, saying this about Bill Gates; “there is one thing he knows nothing about, and that’s games. If you know nothing about sumo, you can’t expect to take on a yokozuna… I expect in a year’s time they’ll be able to see the consequences of this.” I completely agree that Bill Gates knows nothing about games. Hell, it’s blindingly obvious that J. Allard knows nothing about games either (he cuts a faintly sad figure, doesn’t he, with those little eyes and the weight of ‘minister of fun’ on his shoulders) but we’ll just have to see what those third-parties have in store. Also, apparently, our friend Bill “is a great businessman, but he is only human.” Which is approximately 50% true. Aha.

Yamauchi also went on to say that since announcing his retirement a couple of years ago, that there are no plans for his retirement and he had given “no thought at all” to a successor (marvellous, isn’t it, he’s just the best kind of eccentric tyrant). Also, a GBA Pokemon game should be out in Japan by the summer, 2.7 million GBAs have been pre-ordered and 1.4 million GBA games have similarly been reserved. Which isn’t bad propaganda to back up the bile and the fury.

So what’s the point of all of this? Well, as easy as it is to poke fun at Nintendo’s seemingly-insane president, the simple fact of the matter is that you don’t f**k with him. It was, after all, Hiroshi Yamauchi that built Nintendo into the multi-billion dollar empire it is today (he’s been with the company for 50 years, remember), and if he doesn’t want Square, then to hell with Square. Although we think he’s being a little hasty, there.

Remember that Nintendo made twice as much cash as their nearest competitor (EA, incidentally, not Sony or Sega) over the year 2000. Only a fool would count the company out now, and the latest entertaining appearance from Yamauchi simply reinforces this. Whilst we look at Shigsy and think of plumbers, princesses and the Best Games Ever, we should also remember the flame-spitting cockatrice that got him his job, and continues to pay his wages. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Hiroshi Yamauchi; long my he reign.

But he should really reconsider the Square thing.

Want to comment? The email me.

And here are last week’s comments:

To my left, a wall full of PS and PS2 games. To my right, a wall full of DC games and in front of me were the PC titles. The N64 games had been moved to a small shelf facing the back of the shop. A shelf you would expect to find some cheap memory packs or game guides. I walked over to the pitiful collection of tattered, ripped boxes with peeling stickers and fading graphics. I couldn’t stand it. I shuffled out of the shop slowly, breathed deeply, and felt a tear roll down my cheek…

So you think that in England there is a very bad situation with the N64? Just think of us poor Italians: there is only one magazine covering the Nintendo consoles and it sucks. Games are released even after the English dates; the only title that I’ve seen translated in Italian is Perfect Dark: the other games, included Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask, are only available in English, French, German and, sometimes, Spanish. There isn’t any advertising, neither commercials nor magazine ads. If newspapers speak about consoles, they speak only about PSX, PS2 or Xbox. The N64 is totally forgotten and a normal consumer may think that it doesn’t exist at all. Only a few shops sell Nintendo products and those few shops have a very small range of choice. Prices are extremely high; I bought Majora’s Mask for 169.000 liras (equivalent to £45). You can’t find any games that are more than a year old (Wave Race who?)… Who’s in the worst situation? English or Italians?
Davide Corazzini

Oliver Vickers-Price has got it. PlayStation and it’s mindlessly titled sequel are nothing but expensive fashion accessories. PlayStation was thought to be cool thanks to Sony’s evil marketing and now the second one will live off the success of the first and also be known as cool. I’m desperately praying that PS2 flops horribly, I really am. With the games it has it shouldn’t be a problem but that never stopped the PSone being an unrivalled (let’s face facts) success. It’s a shame Nintendo didn’t upgrade to CD format with the N64 – that would have made the games cheaper. Anyway I hope Nintendo get their marketing act together for GC and I hope the general public ditch the ridiculous idea of buying consoles for the status (PS2, XBOX, I’m looking in your direction…)
Dewi Roberts

I think that the big N could do with learning a few lessons from the unfortunate and untimely demise of the company that was once their biggest rival – Sega. There are far too many parallels that can be drawn. Fortunately I can’t see Nintendo going the way of Sega as they dominate the handheld market (at the moment anyway), but if the Gamecube goes the way of the N64 I could possibly see them concentrating solely on the handheld market.

I know some hardcore Ninty fans will slate me now – quality over quantity – but PS has quality too. MGS anyone? Tekken? How about a proper ISS? I could go on saying things like Final Fantasy and GT, but what would that prove? The media made me change over to Sony, but it is the choice of games that keep me there now. In choosing to not go with third party developers, Ninty shot itself in the foot. It didn’t sell itself as the best console of it’s time (which it was), aimed it at the wrong market (which 12 year old Pokemon fan has £50 to throw at a game?) and didn’t see what it’s number one priority should have been – the actual gamers. I wish that Nintendo could have sorted it out, that they would have put some money into advertising. Nintendo drove me away. Sony were there to pick me up. I think that hardcore gamers that rejected the PS just because it was Sony are very silly. Nintendo don’t care about you, they only care about their shareholders. What it seems is that they don’t realise that you control their share-prices.
Mike Hanna

As convincing and involving as the sense of impending catastrophe engendered by Majora’s Mask is, it’s nothing compared to a brisk walk down Oxford Street searching for something, anything, Nintendo-related. The software’s been chucked into the bargain bin, the shelves cleared, peripherals seem never even to have existed and HMV are pretending that Aero Gauge occupies the number five best-seller slot. Mind you, it probably does. How on earth will Nintendo spin out the rest of 2001? If they don’t think Conker will sell in Europe then why the hell should Kirby/Excitebike/Mario Party 3 et al? It’s gut-wrenchingly depressing. I don’t know who’s worse – the public that drool over incessant ‘next-gen’ hyper-inflated polygon claims (and if I never see another picture of J Allard bloody skateboarding his idiotic way down some corporate carpet to ‘work’ again it’ll be too damn soon) or Nintendo themselves, who seem to be completely stoical about slashing the ragged ties that remain and letting Europe drift off into gaming purgatory. No, wait – the public are worse. They didn’t write Majora’s Mask. Nintendo win. Damn them. To love them these days (and I do, MM actually surpassing Ocarina for me, making it the new best-game-ever) you need a masochistic streak several miles long.
Jake Pilikian

Nothing beats playing with my girlfriend (Steady – Jes) or/and friends sitting around a TV with 2-4 N64 controllers plugged in! And having played the most hyped PS2 games – I was simply not enjoying myself – to me the games were pushed out too soon… and I simply can’t figure out how EA gets away with shipping out simple updates and people paying full price for that year after year! Gameplay in Nintendo 64 games has worked from day one, that’s how committed Nintendo is to gameplay! But If I should bet on a gameplay “winner” in my life – it would be 1st and 2nd party games on GameCube. Even if there will only be one game a month out of that type, well how many games do you enjoy playing… I have only maybe 6-8 hours a week to play games in… So I might as well enjoy it!
Jess Rene Gertsen

May Mr. Name Withheld have a group morbid McDonald’s burned in his bath! (does anyone know what this means? – Jes) He says that he loves Nintendo but is he developing for them no, he’s out there getting comfortable with the enemy. Gimp.
Krishen Patel
P.S. Please congratulate Heather Deruelle for me, thanks!

So Nintendo is getting “snotty” and turn their own noses up at Sega for their plans to develop games on Nintendo’s next-gen machines (apart from GBA – Jes). I fear that Nintendo will suffer because Sony DID open their arms welcoming Sega to develop for PS2. The Gamecube may suffer badly if Sega churn out quality games out on PS2, and strong followers of Sega WILL make a decision on which machine to buy. Sony, so far, are winning the hearts of Sega Followers. So come on, let’s forget our differences, it’s in the f**king past, get on with the future. For your sake, Nintendo, please accept the olive branch that Sega is offering you and if you will, you will win the so-called “console wars”.
Del Fisher

Our fault? Maybe, but not entirely. Issues of cost, piss-poor UK marketing and a relatively small (but perfectly formed) catalogue of decent games all play their part. N64 gamers are spoiled. We generally aren’t content to play shite games because we’ve bought and played some of the best games of all time and don’t want to waste #50 on something that doesn’t measure up. The fact that you can’t get hold of a copy of Majora’s Mask for love nor money at the moment may highlight Nintendo’s neglect of the UK market, but it also shows that the UK public will buy great games by the skipload given the chance. The N64 is coming to the end of its life cycle, exactly as the SNES and the NES did before and what’s important is that we continue to get good quality software between now and the Gamecube UK launch. Games like the Scooby-Doo and Tigger efforts we’re getting now are (frankly) an insult. Where’s the UK release date for Conker’s Bad Fur Day? The Gamecube Vs. PS2 Vs. Xbox arguments are largely academic – only the PS2 is available at the moment and the Jury’s still out on that, and brand loyalty is a complete non-issue with many serious gamers owning more than one console (you can pick up a PSX for peanuts these days). So can we turn our attention to barracking Nintendo and campaigning for the games we want now? I understand that Nintendo are opening a UK office – maybe if enough people with enough diposable income shout at them they’ll pay attention.
Mike Ball